[LEWD] Post whenever you get lewd thoughts [(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)]

2 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8666 08:53

I have to let you guys know before they kill me too, Pepe was murdered because he knew too much. Actors from the deep state conspired to silence Pepe for what he had discovered. Pepe noticed paid shills working with Shareblue were logging in thousands of hours, night and day making RedCream shitposts. He was going to tell the world, so they killed him first. Goodnight sweet prince.

3 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8666 12:07

Every time i feel worthless, an imaginary girl who is supposed to be my dream waifu talks to me in my head. She tells me things like

you will always be perfect to me and we can just watch anime all day for the rest of our lives

and my favorite is

i still love you even though youre poor and a loser. Why cant you love me even if you cant touch me?

I dont know /VIP/. Should i forget about this life and join her on the other side? it seems comfy there.

4 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8666 14:09

I poop every morning,

5 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8666 17:31

If we had sex robots that could behave human enough to be out of the uncanny valley, would be able to remember and respond to all your preferences and be an ideal sexual partner, would the fact that all the responses are based on an unfeeling algorithm make it less attractive than a real human?

If you are into heavy SM, and the robot could act tortured and turned on, and react to what pain should feel like, would the thrill still be there?

If human females no longer had the pussy market cornered, would we see a shift in the radical feminist ideology and the mass-media misandry?

6 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8667 10:22

penis in my mouth

7 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8668 22:07

One time I fucked my ex while my gf was out of town in the hospital visiting her almost dead dad. He ended up not dying & I dumped her

8 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8670 23:58

I stopped a rape from happening by beating two people nearly to death.

I was walking home buzzed from a friend's house and heard a scream from an alley. I ran to it to see what the fuck was going on, and saw two guys and a woman.

Woman was on the ground, guy 1 was standing over her, and guy 2 was watching them, failing at being a lookout and had his back turned to me.

I swung my fist into his neck (like a backhand) and he dropped like a sack of potatos.

I charged the other guy, kicking his knee and hearing a very awful snapping noise. I beat the fuck out of him while screaming at the woman to gtfo.

I was big into weightlifting at the time, and this guy couldn't have been more than 170 pounds. I picked him up by the waist of his jeans and his collar, and slammed him face first into the concrete.

I lost count how many times I kicked him in the face as he laid on the ground, when I saw the other guy getting up.

I rushed over and pummeled his face until my fist hurt.

I realized the situation I was in, and ran like fucking hell.

My fist was bruised like hell and my shoe was covered in blood.

I don't know if they even lived through that, but nothing ever came of it. Living in a small rustic-ass town, nobody really makes an effort to find a guy who prevented a woman from getting raped.

9 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8673 22:22

dump drunk girlfriend 2 hours ago
she begs me for an explanation
tell her she an alcoholic and I'm sick of her passing out on me when I'm trying to fuck
she asks me why her passing out would stop me from fucking her
tell her because I'm not a rapist
she smiled, raised her right hand and acted like she was putting her left hand on a bible
"I hereby give you universal consent to use my unconscious body like a fleshlight"
"any time you want and as often as you want"
awkward silence dot bat
eventually, I said nice try
no way that would stand up in a court of law
she said she would let me record her saying it
recorded her saying it
she addresses a would be jury while looking into he camera
she adds that she considers this a kink and she's into it
finally get the recording I want to my satisfaction
"are we good now, sweetie?" while rubbing my back
I hesitate, but eventually say yes
intrigued by where this is going.
as soon as as I say yes, she goes to the kitchen
she downs two-thirds of a bottle of Jameson in 20 seconds
smiles proudly, as if being about to do that is some sort of impressive feat
she starts taking her clothes off seductively
rapidly turns into a shit show
passes out trying to take off her jeans and falls flat on her face
try to help her up, but she can't walk
it's pointless, she's gone
take off the rest of her clothes
pic her up and put her on my bed
my girlfriend just turned herself into a real doll and gave me consent to fuck her unconscious body

10 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8677 21:40

Last weekend i went to a college party with OVER 400 PEOPLE from my university. It was so intense it took up three houses, where they tore down the FENCES between them just to make it one huge lawn. It got so out of hand the cops showed up at 3 AM on memorial day to shut it down, and they didnt even finish getting everybody out till 7.

11 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8679 16:05

Just has a huge fight with the gf over Skype. She will be quick to block creepers but get me some ammo to use against her.

kaylacartridge at hot mail

12 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8681 18:42

Anyone else have weird things that happen to them when fapping?

All my fapping life, I've randomly had my right calf cramp when I climax. Only happens when fapping, not sex, only happens when orgasm is immeninant or is happening. Like 1/5 times.

During college, for like a month (no gf), could only fap to completion with a finger up my ass. Didn't affect hookups, just fapping.

Got a gf, and after the finger thing, every time I came during fapping, I would fart. This went on for like 6 months. Anytime I had diarrhea, I basically couldn't fap.

13 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8681 00:45

Quoted by: >>14

Does kissing someone bond you to them vippers?

Be me, had very quiet cute, very attractive friend
Despite being quiet she liked a drink now and then, one time be drinking wiv her at a party
we start making out, notcomplaining.jpeg
this was about a year ago, ever since she has essentially gone off the rails, am no longer friends wiv her
Hear stories about things she gets up to, getting with random guys, chain smoking, etc
see her social media, she's constantly posting photos of herself in bras, seductive clothing, etc.
feel a strange urge to tell her to sort herself out, despite not being friends with her anymore?

14 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8682 17:25

>>13
Lol nah. Y'all got drunk and touched faces. Fucking is scientifically proven to "bond" you and make you closer to your significant other though. Maybe she is just a slut and you're the only guy that ever got to fuck her. She's probably a bitch that would take asking her to sort out her life the wrong way and use it as fuel to fuck more guys and eat more cigs. Just leave her be. You aren't bonded. You aren't friends anymore. Let life do with her as it will. Move on.

15 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8683 15:29

my gf has one realy great, firm, b-cup titty with perfect nipple and one noticeble bigger, hanging, ugly titty with a huge ass aerola.

It really distracts me. Anyone here knows if a boob job'd be able to make the bad one match the good one? and how?

16 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8683 17:21

I feel sexually attracted to my cousin, and I think its time to do something about it. The problem is I don`t know how to take the first step and make a move. She`s a lot older than me and has a husband and kids. But she used to bath me when I was a kid so she`s seen me nude before. She touched my little penis when I was younger and smiled.

Any ideas how I can start things off ? I was thinking drop a few messages in phone messages and test the water ? really I`ve no idea and need a plan/advice.

I`d like to be fucking her by at least July. So have some time to plan it out fully.

17 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8684 14:16

All is great, live with friends for while at uni, all nerds, all enjoying life, golden fucking times.
Especially my MTGbro, skinny little dude I had been friends with since we both got held back a year due to health reasons
One by one friends all start getting in to tumblr one after each other
Shrug it off, I don't really understand the point of blogs, keep playing MTG with skinnybro and doing uni work.
A couple of friends decide they identify as trans
Cool I guess
One by one the other 3 each apparently realise over the next 2-3 months they are all trans too, some FtM some MtF
Cool, what are the odds huh>Friends start to make jokes about how "cis" people are trash
Or how men should all be chemically castrated because they commit most rape or some shit
Begin to feel uncomfortable
Write it off as them making jokes to come to terms with gender shit??
Never get urge to be trans because am not trans
Friends ask why I never "explore my gender"
Tell them I did, immediately realised its correct
They say okay, sort of start talking to me less
Still invited to stuff, we all live in the same house at the time
Kind of feel like they stop treating me like a person, loudly discuss how cis people need to die
Tell them this makes me kinda sad and uncomfortable
They say deal with it "you have cis white male privilege"
??????
Ask why they are making our individual interpersonal problems about gender politics? Like we don't know each other and aren't friends or something?
They continue to adopt terrifying views, seemingly coming from tumblr over the course of most of a year
Pass out at a party one time
Wake up to them trying to do makeup on me
Freak out, no likey
They all call me a transphobe
Say I just don't like people messing with me in my sleep
Friendships slowly peter out
I miss my friends, especially skinnybro
What happened to them? Where did they go?

Wtf happen

18 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8685 15:27

Quoted by: >>20

Like all fetishes.. if you're holding your dick while surfing chanboards especially you're bound to accidentally create synapse connections that link x with y.

It's literally how all these trap faggots got tricked. Have cock in hand.. stroking away a bit.. see about 4 million traps.. bam.. it's stuck there until you break the connections.

28 days breaks a habbit.

19 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8686 08:10

24 yo living alone
Used to check doors, faucets, stove, etc. every night for 10 mins when 17yo.
Checking time was around 30 mins to an hour when 20.
Now I can't sleep anymore, I can't stop checking stuff.
Usually I just wait until I'm exhausted enough to pass out on a chair.
Two nights ago I left my place and paid for a hotel room just to sleep in a bed without freaking out like a normal person.
I'm so fucking tired.

20 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8686 16:12

>>18
Congratulations anon, you're an honest heterosexual.

21 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8688 08:09

Theirs a 50 something year old at work

I've been there for 3 years
We would just make small talk and she jokes a lot
She smokes
Now recently on year 3 she's said if she was younger she'd chase me.
I ask how old she is. She's hesitant but tells.
I say that's not old
She breaks eye contact and looks shocked
Many weeks later we're alone and she touches my hand
Now its been a few months. I see her at work every now and then but its briefly.
Yesterday she sees me and I'm busy looking for something.
As I search she greets me and gently scratches my back
We talk a little and she laughs at unfunny joke
We hold eye contact smiling then I leave

She's divorced. She wants the D or just lonely?

22 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8688 19:43

im 2/3 months into nofap and i use to fap like a meth addict
first couple of week after starting i feel much more free to pursue other activities and have much more energy
not feeling down more often and when i do i have no need to commit to this activity and instead go hit the gym which helps a lot
the though of masturbating has began to feel repulsive to me after the first month
mornng woods are back and are as hard as a raw african diamond
premature boners around women is back (kek yes i know it sounds fucking silly ) but i would have none at all after all the overstimulation i had by binging and masturbating to porn daily so i guess this is a good thing

going to push it till the end of this year and recomend you get back on it since i have never felt so clear and focused
its an addiction and just like an addiction you drop that shit cold turkey so you can get your life back on track
what helped to stay strong and keep going was that if i get to fuck a girl then i`d go for sex but generally not touch myself at all since it feels silly

23 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8690 14:03

i had one of them stretching devices of ebay after reading about some good results on pubmed. used it for about 4 months for about 3-5 hours a day and actually got about half an inch longer. penis enlargement works but its hella slow so most people aint got time for it. never did jelqing though, probably works just as well.

24 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8692 00:00

I just found out that my girlfriend has been giving all three of our roommates blowjobs.
Weekly. For several months now.

She acts like it isn't a big deal. She says that blowjobs aren't sex, so it technically isn't cheating. She also said that they've been paying her $20 for each blowjob and then she handed me $1400. She called it "daddy's cut".

I'm a bartender and I have to go to work in an hour. All four of them are in the living room right now, watching TV. All of my roommates know I know now. They have been walking around my house with these shit-eating grins on their face. There is this awkward tension in the room, like they are all waiting for me to leave.

Should I go to work or should I quit my job and stay home to make sure they don't start throat banging my girlfriend 2 minutes after I walk out door?

25 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8696 23:55

be you
you spent the years of highschool harrased and bullied by chad
every day he punches you in the stomach and while youre hurdled over people crowd and laugh
every day you go home and think about it
"i may be a beta,"
"but chad wont go anywhere in life!" you assure yourself
"he's a no life closet faggot who is peaking in highschool"
"he is going to get a shit job as a plumber or a ballon animal maker and ill be just like bill gates!!11!"
"ill be the nerd that makes it big!"
these thoughts are the only thing that keeps you going
you work hard in school so you can best chad
fastforward.gif
you graduate, get into a OK local college and major in business
you end up in a cubical because no matter how smart you thought you were, you just looked good based on those around you
because highshool was so easy you never learned to study
barely made it through college
you got a good job though!
"probably better than chadl
ended up with a cute wife you met on vacation who ended up living near you
a bit too cute for you
cheats on you on the side
you pretend you dont know
"chad probably is in the same situation, but he would be to stupid to figure it out"
you only live on because of these thoughts
you live in a modest lower middle class home in the suburbs
dont talk much o family anymore
dont really have friends outside of work, you were never good at making any
two kids
one has autism
i" love him anyway... right?"
finally after 5 years of saving up you have enough to go on a roadtrip with family
spend some quality time
driving down street as your younger austist son pukes all over your pants
wife refuses to help
is disgusted
pull over
youre so fucking fed up with this bullshit
"chad HAS to have it worse"
youre other kid trips and hits her head on a rock
looks like it needs stitches
looks like yore heading back home
you look up at a billboard before you get in to leave
pic related
realize chad got what he wanted
he's rich smart AND talented
got a job as a lawyer. has his own LAW FIRM
you look at yourself and see nothing but failure
your hardwork was for nothng
and entire life wasted to best chad
In the end you couldnt even do that
he probably has a faithful trophy wife too

Wat do now?

26 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8697 13:56

Quoted by: >>27

Legitimate question, who ever actually said women can't be topless? I've been seeing alot of articles lately on this "Free the Nipple" campaign and I don't get it. Guys are down, even gay guys like boobs. Its feminists driving the movement and I can't imagine lesbians would be against it. Who is so against topless women? Old politicians? Over zealous religious folk?

27 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8697 19:29

Quoted by: >>28,29

>>26
Could be about the stigma, considering people get up in arms about breastfeeding in public. There are probably a few indecent exposure laws out there that would consider a topless woman in violation, and since in the US at least, you can have male nipples in a G rated movie, but female nipples are R rated,

The campaign seems to be a response to that.

28 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 01:03

Quoted by: >>30

>>27
No I get that but when did it start? Who decided upon these laws which created the stigma that drives this movement?

29 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 06:36

Quoted by: >>30

>>27

female nipples are R rated

that's because the JEWS in charge of Hollywood want us to live under sharia law

30 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 09:24

>>28
I don't know, there's a probably a pretty interesting wikipedia trail you could follow that explains the history of indecency laws.

imo it's related to sex being taboo for a lot of the judeo-christian western world, which probably is related to "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife" and lust being one of the canonical 7 deadly sins. I'd imagine (assuming these ideas were created by people and not handed down to us by god) it's related to the ownership of wives, and in that way isn't too far off from what >>29 said.

tl;dr I need to keep my women covered so other men don't see how beautiful they are and cuck me, because that would make God angry.

31 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 12:11

Quoted by: >>32

Boobs on women are sexual, this isn't something you can debate. Women already get shit tonnes of attention from guys even when they have their tits covered, with them exposed they'll have dribbling retards doing everything for them.

Don't make thing's worse than they already are. Men are pathetic enough as it is.

Wear your fucking clothes you damn attention whores.

32 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 14:57

>>31
I wouldn't try to debate that but I would offer a counter argument in the form of this. Boobs are a woman's draw, and while they do get alot of attention already they are also a lie. You never know what you're in for before a woman takes off her bra, and this would weed out alot of shit tier breasts from our population

33 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 17:45

Gay guy. I have no idea what people think is so great about boobs. Can anyone explain? I mean, gay guys like dick for the empathy effect, and for giving pleasure to someone else, and for stimulating their prostate. But boobs... There's no empathy value. They aren't very effective in female stimulation, in the sense that focusing on them alone doesn't do a whole lot, and you can't shove them in any orifice. The only way they're nice is if you smash them together and fuck them, and I don't think that's what most people are thinking of. What is the actual appeal?

34 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 17:59

Constantly threatens suicide
Has pressured girls into sexual acts against their own will
Harasses people for no reason
Lives with his nice grandmother who he constantly verbally abuses
Lives off of disability check
Gets angry easily
Almost every friend has gotten sick of his shit
Gets angry easily
Goes absolutely apeshit over being sent frogs, specifically Banana Frogs.

Hey fellow /vip/pers. I haven't been on /vip/ for awhile but I've come to you in a cry for help.

Some asshole I was friends with for nearly 7 years has been an absolute autist.
He is a cheeto-dusted fucking neckbeard who I had ended up straight up disowning. However, he was friends with one of my friends at the time which led to a bunch of my friends getting constantly harassed by him. It's annoying and the few people I actually care for have been stressed by him for different reasons.

One thing is he's a fucking joy to aggrovate and easy to get a rise out of. Let it be his interests, or something stupid like sending him the same frog over and over again (like my friend in the scr did). I know that if a lot of people send him frogs, he'll get even more angry. I once had him spammed frogs by 3 different individuals (two were me and the other was the same friend) and he was fucking livid.

For what makes him a loser in more detail, he's done some shit like

Not let girl (his friend at the time) who came from another country to visit for a weekend leave his room or house until he got a blowjob
Guilts people with suicide and killing his pets over anything, even going as far as to talking to someone unrelated about something involving friendships/relationships and then guilting the poor person
Constantly talks to himself when you skype because 'he is always in a streamer mindset' despite no one even watching his twitch
Constantly throws shitfits
Has shit opinions and tastes in shows, vidgaems, trad. games, etc.
Dropped out of highschool
Thinks school is stupid
Can barely use proper grammar or spelling

On everything except for what i'll mention he goes by 'Sethman1210' or 'gunforhire' (sometimes with 1210 attached)
His facebook is 'Seth Lawson'
(insertfacebookurl)seth.lawson.505

Just spam frogs if you want the best result.

35 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 18:29

Hardcore feminists believe that women are superior to men and that a matriarchal society is key to a utopia.
These extremist feminism are usually the core of feminist movements.

The feminists believe men are meant to serve women only, and to control men to use sexuality as leverage.

This is the real reason feminists want to "free the nipple". They think if a man lusts after her more, they have more control over the man.

36 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 22:01

I fucked a girl in the ass, only once ever in my life and when I pulled out there was a little tiny nugget of shit on the tip of my dick.

Now dont get me wrong, if I could only have her ass I would in a heartbeat, but I would wear a condom.

I like pussy better anyway, theres something primitive and satisfying about getting as deep as you can in there and foaming over, aka spitting seed aka filling her with warm semen.

37 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8698 23:13

found out about jerking it when I was only 11
never use lotion or socks or whatever
rub my dick raw every time I jerk it
years pass
dick rarely bleeds when i jerk now
still a virgin
meet a girl and do sexy time
my dick is so desensitized that I can't even feel her on my dick
fuck for a long time.
she likes it, I don't.
she cums multiple times
she needs a break so she is going to suck me instead
kinda dark in the room
she puts her mouth on my dick and says "what the FUCK!"
she fled the room
still never came
still kinda a virgin

38 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8701 15:00

My girlfriend is acting weird/mean/passive. Its been some days like this.

She has problems at home, she is looking for a new job and has some exams she need to pass no matter what.
Shes been avoiding me most of the time (no cuck post, sorry)
Small replies to my messages, "yes, no, great, ok, dont know"
I reached my limit after asking whats happening

What should I do? Reply her in the same way? Start avoiding her too? I know if I make the same movements she could react ... or no.

What do you think? Ive been in this situation several times with previous girlfriends but all of them were different and had their reasons.

39 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8703 23:52

Quoted by: >>41

be in high school, back in 2005
all computers using windows XP
discover you can use the "net send" command in command prompt
start using it to communicate to friends in class
start using it to troll people in front of us in class
realize I could type "net send -all", which sends a pop-up message to every single computer in the school network, including teacher's laptops
maximum trolling potential achieved
mindblown.jpg
went to library and created a batch file that spams messages to every computer
"KILL ALL NIGGERS" x1000
titled it "TEACHERS PASSWORDS.bat"
some retarded kid clicks it during class
absolute chaos erupts
mfw the kid gets blamed and suspended for 3 days

40 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8706 07:31

So in the past year my I've started to notice more and more that my developed biological functions are indicating me to find a girl. How do you deal with this? Through discipline?

I don't really like being around people since a lot of them are ridiculous and stupid, to put it simply.

I'm trying to ignore these strong emotions but since it's so deeply engraved in our nature it bothers me sometimes. Do you think it's worth finding a girl for presumably a temporarily improvement? I'm trying to appreciate what I have and know that "the grass isn't greener on the other side".

41 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8707 11:27

>>39
I did something like that in 2000 when I was in high school. Using some assembly I learned from the book "Unauthorized Windows 95 developer's resource kit" by Andrew Schulman, I was able to write up something that would open an image then lock up the system so that even Ctrl alt del didn't do anything. All the computers were win95/98 with C:\ shared via SMB, and using Cain I was able to get the passes that gave me write access to those shares. I put my program on all the computers via SMB and set a scheduled task via something similar to psexec, so that the program would run everywhere at the same time. At noon every computer in the school displayed a random porn image then froze. Was funny watching people frantically type and run around unplugging stuff.

42 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8708 09:53

I'm trying to figure out if this girl at my work and trying to tell if she likes me or not. I have to admit she's young, but every time our eyes meet she smiles and tries to start conversations with me. We both look at each other at the same time a lot and we both share the same interests in horror movies as well. I'm keeping things light due to age difference, but what would you say are sure signs to spot from women that make you think they like you?

43 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8724 14:46

ex gf mad at me now that im with someone with bigger ass and much bigger tits
shes like "fuck her figure do whatever you want i dont wanna know i dont care"
past week she's been nice to me, says she loves me and misses me
but then turns cold again coz the rebound guy she barely went out with for 2 weeks asked her out but she turned him down, but now regrets it which is why I got with this other girl

what do? i do still like her and we were each others firsts for everything, but idk how to get her back. but her being jealous and stuff is good right?

44 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8728 09:37

Quoted by: >>45

be me
be at cousins secondary school grad party
limo comes to everybodys house and picks them up to bring them to the dance
person that lives across the street is in cousins class
limo comes to pick him up and everybody in it including my cousin gets out to talk and take pictures with family and friends for a bit
im in my room looking at them from my window
my mam runs over and asks me if i want to go over
sure
i go over
feel super awkward because i am not used to social gatherings
normies everywhere
ugly girls in dresses with shit tons of make up
cousin comes out of friends backyard with friend
say "hi" and stuff
mam says that i have/had chicken pox which i did and still do a bit
he says he had an outbreak of acne yesterday
his face is fine
him and all his friends get in the limo with their girlfriends
mam says that'll be me in a few years
mfw i don't know any girls and wont when i graduate
mfw i realise that i will still be a piece of useless shit then
walk back over to my house feeling super awkward

45 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8728 15:11

>>44
You're talking like you've given up, if you're still in school you've got loads of time. Start off small with social situations you can easily get out of or shit that doesn't require a lot of face to face time to begin with and then keep pushing your comfort level. Also I feel like you're Irish and this country can be depressing as shite so get out and do stuff. Also buy one of those Full Spectrum Lights which can really help if you don't get enough sunlight. I have one and it helps. What are your interests? Start there.

46 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8728 17:58

Quoted by: >>47

Look my dude. If you want friend a that are girls just be nice.

47 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8728 20:45

>>46
Exactly and if you don't have many friends or a social life the last thing you need to do is start it all by looking for a girlfriend. Get hobbies, get friends, be an enjoyable person to be around, get girlfriend.

48 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8729 09:01

VIP Me

49 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8730 07:19

the past few years of my life have been so fucking shit. Gather round and let me tell you about it.

be me
be going to university
inspired to get a degree and have a job I've wanted since I was a child
meet my roommate, also getting the same degree
plan is to study hard, get the best marks
some jock, let's call him Shitcunt, who's in the same class is lauded because everybody thinks he's got what it takes to get the degree just because his father was famous in the same field
Shitcunt trashes my dorm room later that night
end up at a campus party with Shitcunt
all the jocks are going for the same degree too
try to join them
they say I'm not worthy of the degree
decide to show them up
study hard
top of my course, best marks
Shitcunt treats class like a joke, gets low marks, too busy hanging out with all the other jocks sucking his cock
final exams come along
I'm destined for the highest marks
incident happens between me and Shitcunt at the examination venue, accidentally break shit
the dean just happened to be there
promptly fails both of us
dean says I can't possibly get my degree
I have to take a new class
surprise surprise, Shitcunt's in it too
want to prove that I am worthy of my degree
decide to enter a campus competition to show everybody I can do just that
Shitcunt enters too
dean says I can retake the course if we win it
forced to join the lamest frat on campus
I lead the team to the final by training them
last leg of the final
I'm the last competitor
need a perfect score in this leg to win the competition for the team, and also prove that I can get my damn degree
perform
perfect. fucking. SCORE.
realize I'm back in the course
celebrate with my frat
notice something on the playing field
somebody tampered something when I was getting my perfect score
Shitcunt owns up to it
he cheated so that we'd win
admits that the dean was right and that I can't possibly get my degree
offended, run off
decide to prove them all wrong once and for all
perform a dangerous stunt
fail
realize what Shitcunt said was right
Shitcunt tries to save my life
we're in danger but we manage to get the hell out of there by telling Shitcunt exactly what to do
we both get suspended: me for trespassing property, Shitcunt because he owned up for what he did
we end up becoming friends
eventually get the lowest job in the field even though we don't have a degree
slowly work up to the top
become Shitcunt's trainer
realized now that Shitcunt is truly worthy of the degree I wanted, and I'm there to help him
we become the best in the field
have a 10/10 gf, it's her birthday
booked a seat at a fancy restaurant
accidentally forgot my paperwork and Shitcunt volunteers to get it
he sees some corrupt shit happening while he's there
it's my old roommate, he's working at the same place and doing something shady
accidentally drops evidence so he decides to steal it
Shitcunt runs to the restaurant and ruins the date
his evidence falls out of his bag, the entire city goes into panic
go to work to try and put it back without anybody noticing
we overhear my roommate scheming about his unethical practice
decide to tell the CEO about it
he finds out about the evidence and we think he wants to right it
turns out my roommate's in league with him and that the CEO is a corrupt bastard
he sends us somewhere so we can't come back
except we kind of do
roommate tried to kill Shitcunt after he found out, I saved his ass
some more shit happens, we killed our roommate or something
the company goes into lockdown
we escape arrest (CEO tried to frame us)
me and Shitcunt work together to expose the CEO, he gets arrested
company now likely to go under without a CEO
suddenly, the company gets saved
we go back to work to find out what happened
the company's been transformed
what me and Shitcunt had worked so hard for was now no longer applicable to our job
everything leading up to now doesn't matter anymore
everything we did was useless

50 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8733 06:38

Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
WRONG.
The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not after going through the Wendy's drive through
Checkmate.

eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs

51 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8733 19:12

I know several sluts on my city who try to get random people to knock them up for welfare

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