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[LEWD] Post whenever you get lewd thoughts [(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)]

49 Name: VIPPER 1993-09-8730 06:19
the past few years of my life have been so fucking shit. Gather round and let me tell you about it.
be me
be going to university
inspired to get a degree and have a job I've wanted since I was a child
meet my roommate, also getting the same degree
plan is to study hard, get the best marks
some jock, let's call him Shitcunt, who's in the same class is lauded because everybody thinks he's got what it takes to get the degree just because his father was famous in the same field
Shitcunt trashes my dorm room later that night
end up at a campus party with Shitcunt
all the jocks are going for the same degree too
try to join them
they say I'm not worthy of the degree
decide to show them up
study hard
top of my course, best marks
Shitcunt treats class like a joke, gets low marks, too busy hanging out with all the other jocks sucking his cock
final exams come along
I'm destined for the highest marks
incident happens between me and Shitcunt at the examination venue, accidentally break shit
the dean just happened to be there
promptly fails both of us
dean says I can't possibly get my degree
I have to take a new class
surprise surprise, Shitcunt's in it too
want to prove that I am worthy of my degree
decide to enter a campus competition to show everybody I can do just that
Shitcunt enters too
dean says I can retake the course if we win it
forced to join the lamest frat on campus
I lead the team to the final by training them
last leg of the final
I'm the last competitor
need a perfect score in this leg to win the competition for the team, and also prove that I can get my damn degree
perfect. fucking. SCORE.
realize I'm back in the course
celebrate with my frat
notice something on the playing field
somebody tampered something when I was getting my perfect score
Shitcunt owns up to it
he cheated so that we'd win
admits that the dean was right and that I can't possibly get my degree
offended, run off
decide to prove them all wrong once and for all
perform a dangerous stunt
realize what Shitcunt said was right
Shitcunt tries to save my life
we're in danger but we manage to get the hell out of there by telling Shitcunt exactly what to do
we both get suspended: me for trespassing property, Shitcunt because he owned up for what he did
we end up becoming friends
eventually get the lowest job in the field even though we don't have a degree
slowly work up to the top
become Shitcunt's trainer
realized now that Shitcunt is truly worthy of the degree I wanted, and I'm there to help him
we become the best in the field
have a 10/10 gf, it's her birthday
booked a seat at a fancy restaurant
accidentally forgot my paperwork and Shitcunt volunteers to get it
he sees some corrupt shit happening while he's there
it's my old roommate, he's working at the same place and doing something shady
accidentally drops evidence so he decides to steal it
Shitcunt runs to the restaurant and ruins the date
his evidence falls out of his bag, the entire city goes into panic
go to work to try and put it back without anybody noticing
we overhear my roommate scheming about his unethical practice
decide to tell the CEO about it
he finds out about the evidence and we think he wants to right it
turns out my roommate's in league with him and that the CEO is a corrupt bastard
he sends us somewhere so we can't come back
except we kind of do
roommate tried to kill Shitcunt after he found out, I saved his ass
some more shit happens, we killed our roommate or something
the company goes into lockdown
we escape arrest (CEO tried to frame us)
me and Shitcunt work together to expose the CEO, he gets arrested
company now likely to go under without a CEO
suddenly, the company gets saved
we go back to work to find out what happened
the company's been transformed
what me and Shitcunt had worked so hard for was now no longer applicable to our job
everything leading up to now doesn't matter anymore
everything we did was useless

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