President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, at 12:30 pm Central Standard Time on Friday, November 22, 1963. Kennedy had been constipated for nearly three weeks prior to the Dallas event, and upon impact, both bullet wounds began emitting acidic fecal gas like a busted steam pipe, making a loud whistling sound like a kettle. Kennedy quickly began farting and shitting himself rapidly, his body twitching like a marionette on crack, as three large dildos worked their way out of his ass through his shit-filled pants. Marilyn Monroe had shoved them inside there during foreplay three weeks earlier, the cause of his constipation. After viewing her husband give birth to three turd-laden dildos after getting his head blown off, and getting herself blasted in the face with his whistling acidic fart steam, Jacklyn Kennedy tried desperately to escape from the car from the back. It was then that diarrhea began spraying out of Kennedy's bullet wounds like a fire hose, covering everyone in the car with acidic three week old backed-up shit. Before it stopped, it had begun spraying people in the crowd, who began violently vomiting. According to the coroner, JFK looked more turd than man on the slab, and continued to emit fart whistles from his wounds until the day of the funeral.
On December 18, 1997, Farley was found dead by his younger brother, John, in his apartment in the John Hancock Center in Chicago. He was 33 years old. An autopsy revealed that Farley had died of an overdose of cocaine and morphine, a combination called a speedball. The lethal combination caused enormous gas pressure to build up in the intestines, blocked by years of heroin poop, nearly 11lbs coroners estimate. The stinky poop blockage forced noxious gas to blow out Farley’s ears like steam whistles. When Farley blocked his ears the fart steam rushed into his lungs and tasted like fart poop so bad he coughed his eyeballs out of his head. When Farley saw his scary popped out eyes he laughed so hard that it gave him a heart attack, and he died. Upon death the 11lbs of heroin poop slid out onto the floor, roughly the size and shape of a baby. Coroners report claims “it stunk real bad”.
Carrie Fisher does the way she lived, a drug addled whore covered in shit and thrown to the side. She decided to board an 18 hour flight from London to LA on a cocktail of MDMA, cocaine, benzos, opiates, and antidepressants. An hour into the flight, the poor boy sitting next to her (he recognized her and called her a hero)noticed a disgusting stench wafting from the “Sleeping” Mrs Fisher. He yelled for the flight attendant who was prepared to offer another 10 mini bottles to Carrie when she stopped dead in her tracks, clenching her nose, puckered lips, gagging. Looks began darting towards Carrie’s direction as the noxious scent wafted through the closed cabin. Carrie Fisher has voided her bowels of disgusting half digested drug poop and spiked herself and the plane. The captain had decided the stinky smell was too terrible to continue with her in the cabin, he couldn’t concentrate. They bagged up her poopy body and threw her in the cargo hold. By the time they reached LA she was frozen solid, covered in shit. The coroner apparently had to chip shitcicles off her disgusting grey flesh and ass.
Bob Crane had been so involved in his sexual escapades that he literally stuck full sized film reels in his ass to cart them around. Apparently when he was found dead, they found 3 reels of super 8 rolled up his ass to smuggle to dealers. The running theory is that he was sitting on the xerox machine with his bare ass taking funny pictures when he opened his mouth and saw the images projected on the screen. He then began to tinker with becoming a human projector, shoving bigger and bigger lights in his ass while using his ass muscles to spin the reel. Apparently he got too excited and choked on a necco wafer while jacking off with a flood light in his ascending colon. He attempted to free the blockage with an electrical cord but during the struggle the heated lamp seared into his ass and baked his poop up into his mouth. He started breathing after freeing the necco wafer but it was all stinky poop steam. Bob’s finally moments were puking up necco and choking on his boiling poop. Some say it was burnt into the film they recovered